This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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