about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
