This is not my ceiling
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
