Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize