I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
