Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
