I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
