I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
