She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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