I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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