the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
