Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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