apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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