just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
FUCK WHALES
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