So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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