I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
