meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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