I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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