my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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