Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize