is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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