Ambien. No doubt about it.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm both gender and math confused
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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