Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
