I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
