There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
