oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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