I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk is not a location!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize