what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
