That's intense
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were destined to go to rehab together
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
