It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
