I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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