He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize