"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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