$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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