and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
