She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
