dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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