My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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