I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
