I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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