Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
