sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
