someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
