Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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