don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
