New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
