found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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