we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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