We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
please come you make the beer taste better
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
