i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
