If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i dont even know how to be here
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
