I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
