yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
