I need help removing her.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize