You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
