And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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