I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
