This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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