Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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