I wish I could punch you in the face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
