is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
