I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
