She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
