And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
