I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
