Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
