I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
