How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
