Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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