She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
