Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
