Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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