there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
