i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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