I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
