ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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