Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
