i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's official drugs can't kill me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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