When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
