just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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