I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
