dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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