he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
